Sports

Cannons On Fire!

The Chudley Cannons have made a huge comeback ever since Ludovic Bagman has replaced Liam Barnes as Beater. Bagman, former Head of Magical Games and Sports in the Ministry of Magic, describes his and the team's comeback to be "amazing. It feels as if my glory days are flooding back to me!"

Last season the Chudley Cannons finished in the 9th and final spot of the British and Irish League and fans' expectations were at an all time low. The recruitment of Ludo Bagman, the compulsive gambler, however, has been accredited with the team's two recent landslide wins, a 310 – 50 win over the Appleby Arrows and a 380 - 10 triumph over the Wigtown Wanderers. "It's as much of a shock to us as it is to you," said manager Ragmar Dorkins regarding the start of the Cannons' longest winning streak of this decade (2 consecutive matches). "We owe it all to Ludo!"

A blushing Bagman went a bit further in the explanation of why he returned to playing quidditch when he confirmed the rumors that he and Celestina Warbeck are in fact an item. "I suppose there's no hiding it, yes, we are a couple and a very happy one at that. Anyone who knows Celestina can appreciate just what a delightful person she is... and how completely undeserving of her I am!" When asked if Warbeck had encouraged him to return to quidditch, Ludo laughed. "She's definitely been a pillar of support and has always been ready to spout out advice when I need it. You could say that Celestina had talked me into the whole thing - and I'm certainly glad that she did! The Cannons have given my life back, put me back on my feet."

In the 1980's, Ludo Bagman played Beater for the Wimbourne Wasps and was quite popular among quidditch fans. Driven by his large fan base and "love of the game", Bagman was the heart and soul of the team, leading them to numerous and exciting victories before being taken on by England. In 1986, at the height of his quidditch career, Bagman decided to retire, much to the dismay of the quidditch world. Almost immediately afterwards, rumors of Bagman's Death Eater involvement tore through the wizarding world. Ludo simply laughed them off saying that "everyone's being accused of being in league with You-Know-Who these days" and the rumors quickly subsided.

Bagman was soon employed by the Ministry, and ultimately took charge of the Department of Magical Games and Sports. During his time in the Ministry, he presided over, and did the commentary for, an International Quidditch Cup, not to mention judging on the panel of the Triwizard Tournament (both in 1994). Ludo Bagman has been on the run since then, trying to shake off his goblin creditors. "Yes," Bagman said in an interview for The Squibbler, "I have had some trouble with gambling in the past, but the Cannons has very generously allowed me to accept some of my wages in advance and I've since been able to pay back all my loans!"

There is no doubt that Bagman is the most highly-paid Cannons beater in history whose salary is more than twice the amount that Barnes, the previous beater, received. "I don't have a problem with it!" Barnes cried during the Appleby match after another of Bagman's spectacular blocks. "Despite the fact that he joined the team as an elderly overweight log. No, no problem with it whatsoever!"

And indeed he did join as an elderly overweight log. "I was extremely out of practice." Bagman agreed. "But I've been trained up a bit since then! With the cooperation of the rest of the team, of course." The "rest of the team" certainly seemed enthusiastic about their new beater and newfound success. "Oh yes," said Galvin Gudgeon, Cannons' seeker, "We're lucky to have him, I suppose. We never won before we had him so obviously our success can all be contributed to Bagman. But I would just like to mention that I've caught the snitch during the last couple games and Ludo was not involved in that process." (Some fans have claimed to have seen Bagman beat the snitch toward Gudgeon more than once during the past matches. The referees involved have refrained from comment.)

"You know," Bagman laughed, "The funny thing about all this is that the betting odds on the Cannons were so low before I joined – not to brag of course, I'm just stating the facts. Anyway now we're doing so well that the odds are completely in our favor. It is funny how things turn out!" When asked about the relevance of this Ludo smiled awkwardly and said, "Well, I just mean that if any er – loyal fans were still betting on the team's success at the beginning of the season they would have made out pretty well." He paused. "I wish I had thought of it."

[Misters Fred and George Weasley of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes have requested that The Squibbler print the following: "Bagman's loans are not all paid up as we are still waiting for him to reimburse us. If you see him on the street, please slip him an Unbreakable Promise Pill that will make it impossible for him not to keep true to past agreements – Only 3 sickles an ounce."]